Brialee Turner

Society and the cultures I’m apart of have taught me that the most important thing about me is my body. Social media, family, friends, church leaders, co-workers, influencers, pornography producers, etc. All in some way (whether direct or indirect) have taught me that how I look to others is so important, it surpasses my own personal opinions and happiness. And by how changing how I look, I can somehow change my worth. That my body is responsible for the thoughts, feelings, and behavior of others. That it is somehow sacred and dirty at the same time. That food is not fuel and necessary to live a healthy life, but that it is a way to yet again change the way I look, and therefore how people view my body.

However, I am learning the truth about my body. I am learning that beauty is not something that can be defined by my body. And it is certainly not up to society to decide what feels beautiful to me.

I feel beautiful when my silly face makes a baby grin.

I feel beautiful when I finish a rock climbing route that was challenging and made me sweat, that made my mind think and trust my body.

I felt beautiful when I made a difficult decision that I didn’t want to make, but I knew was right.

I felt beautiful when I hugged my grandma who can’t quite remember who I am, but loves me anyways.

I felt beautiful when I looked into the eyes of a friend who will probably pass away while I’m absent, and saw her divinity and light.

I feel beautiful when I look at art and the inspiring creations of others.

I feel beautiful when I look back on the painful experiences of life and know that I am stronger because of the lessons I’ve learned from them.

I feel beautiful when I forgive, especially when it’s hard.

I feel beautiful when I see the glorious creations of Earth, like sunsets, stars, flowers, clouds, and plants. And feel the marvelous feelings of being outside, touching rocks, feeling the wind, the sun on my skin.

And rarely when I FEEL beautiful do I LOOK beautiful in ways that society defines.

And so, I am less inclined to think that beautiful is a physical trait to be sought after, and rather more inclined to believe that beautiful is the gift of a divine experience of a life truely being lived.

And no one can live my life for me.